Most Christians don’t feel victorious in Christ. They struggle most days just to get through the day and wonder why they don’t experience peace or contentment, much less victory. Too often we are expected to act like we are “victorious”. This leads to despair. The truth is Christians are messy, hurting people living in a world full of sin and pain. For many of us, life is hard most of the time. Christians feel overwhelmed by life. They are afraid to face suffering. They spend too much time alternately pleading with God and being angry with God or disappointed in God or resentful toward God. Too often we place an expectation on God to make our life better or easier, or at least to make us feel better. We want, maybe demand, to feel God’s love in the midst of our despair, pain and messiness. Ultimately, we demand that God prove His love by delivering us from suffering. The idea of viewing our struggles and hardships as an opportunity to see God’s faithfulness and love is unthinkable and terrifying. But if we can change our perspective, we will find that God does love us in our suffering. And with this new perspective we will find a truth that is hidden from almost every Christian: sometimes our suffering is God’s love.


We all need Jesus to rescue us every moment of every day. By sharing honestly about the extraordinary hardships faced by my family and me, I invite followers of Christ to be messy and hurting together and, thereby, to find the peace of Christ together.


The word “evangelical” has many meanings and connotations, most of them negative and most of them having nothing to do with the person and claims of Jesus Christ.  This website has three parts.  The first part is my attempt to explain what evangelicals believe.  If you have a negative impression of evangelicals, you may be surprised by what you read in this section. If you consider yourself an evangelical, you may have trouble explaining what that means.  I hope you will find the first section helpful.

The second section explains eight keys that have helped me develop a closer relationship with Jesus.  If you are feeling stuck in your Christian walk, or want to go deeper, I believe this section will help you.

The third section I have called The Story of God’s Faithfulness To Me.  It is the story of how God took the poor choices I made and habits I formed in my mid-teens to mid-twenties, and the pain those choices and habits caused others, and used all of it for His glory.  Along the way, He turned a coward and a quitter into a godly man of character.  It is a remarkable story, not because of me, but because of what God did with a very unremarkable person.

If you are suffering in chronic pain, you may want to go to Chapter X of the third section to read about my wife's ten year struggle with daily migraine pain.

This website is posted anonymously because I'm nobody special, just one of many pilgrims on the journey. I want the focus to be where it belongs -- on God.

If you have questions or comments about this website, please email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it